The Self-Care Rebellion: Stop Inconveniencing Yourself for Others

I realized something about myself recently that stopped me in my tracks: I have a habit of inconveniencing myself at the convenience of other people.

It's almost like a toxic trait, if you will. I just have this tendency to be the person who goes along with the flow, even while on the inside I'm spiraling out of control, bubbling up, trying not to say what I really want to say.

Sound familiar?

The Lash Appointment That Changed Everything

Let me tell you about my lash appointments. For months, I'd been seeing this sweet lash tech. She was kind. She did good work. But every two weeks, what should have been a quick refill would turn into a 2-3 hour ordeal.

My appointment would be at 11am, and by the time I left, my entire day was gone. There was no coming back to my desk, no catching up on work. It was like, "Girl, we might as well go hop and bop around TJ Maxx and HomeGoods because the day is gone."

I couldn't figure out why every single appointment took this long. It wasn't like I was getting a full set—I was getting a refill. WHY?

I'd look at the time during appointments, fighting my irritation, and I finally had to confront myself: You are inconveniencing yourself because you like this person's personality. You like how kind this person is. But you don't owe her anything.

The Moment of Truth

So I asked my esthetician (who's now my friend—we're tight, y'all) who did her lashes because they always looked so pretty. And Tony—bless her heart—didn't just give me a name. She said, "Well, she lives kind of far from where you are, so I'm going to tell her to use my suite so you can just come here."

I hadn't even asked for that extra step—she just volunteered it.

The new lash girl, Taylor, got me in on a Sunday. Complete full set removal and new full set in less than an hour and a half.

That's what I need: speed and convenience.

They used to say you can have it cheap, fast, or good—pick two. I have always been team "fast and convenient." I don't care about the money. Fast and convenient is what I need.

The Boundaries Revolution

This experience made me think about all the other areas of my life where I've been putting everyone else's convenience before my own:

• Saying yes to events when my body is screaming for rest

• Letting my husband's work computer live on my kitchen counter (while silently fuming about it)

• Going to every single one of my kids' games without ever taking a weekend for myself

A few weekends ago, my son had a basketball tournament they didn't tell us about until Friday. For the first time, I opted out. I was like, "No. I am tired. I am EXTREMELY tired. I need to stay home and be by myself."

I told my husband, "I've peopled enough, and I just need my solitude." And I don't think it's a secret that I need to be alone sometimes.

Putting Yourself First Isn't Selfish